this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
