Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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