is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
