There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
