somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
