i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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