your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
