This is the prime rib incident all over again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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