tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
