I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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