All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
