it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
