Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Say something about gay babies.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
