Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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