i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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