I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
