Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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