Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
