Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
