She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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