when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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