I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
