guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
