when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
