i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just gargled with NyQuil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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