I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i permit you to call me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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