How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
