sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
