Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
