Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
