Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
