u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
