3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
