We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
