can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
