when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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