By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
