Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
