She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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