I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
