Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
