so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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