Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
