You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
