help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cut my penus on the lid.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
