cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
