So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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