mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
