God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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