he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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