You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
