So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The air was thick with penises
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Alive.
So much puke
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
