ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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