why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
