dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
