I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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