i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Randomize
