he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
