I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
