I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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