I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
time to smoke my breakfast
My pussy is not your playground.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
