Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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