At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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