tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
