Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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