Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
