I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
