I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
