We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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