I think I died a long time ago.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
