i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
