Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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