I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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