What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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