I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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