I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
