i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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