Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
