I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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