we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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