I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
