I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
