How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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