TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
